How most people feel during the lower-mainland holidays

Finals

I stole this from Sarah J. My thoughts exactly; I only hope that I can learn the useless facts in the first place and remember them long enough to pass O-Chem.

Finished

So my internet connection is a little wonky... we'll see how things go.

It's Saturday. I'm really really enjoying Saturdays now that I don't work. Slept in ... a lot... and R and I went to Lee Valley Hardware to pick up some stuff. Also got groceries, because he wants tortillas for dinner :) The one thing I can cook; until today I didn't know it was a success with him. But he quickly followed up his compliment with, "Nobody could screw up tortillas..." I guess he doesn't know me too well. I could.

So he fell asleep as soon as we got back (it was a lot of bus riding and standing around... poor campus boy isn't used to walking so much!! Heh heh heh. I'm going to get in trouble for this one). I cleaned up the place a bit, now I'm bored. My internet is too sketchy to try and do my online assignments - more frustration than progress. So yes, I'm going to go open a textbook. Though I'm debating on whether I should start dinner. As soon as he wakes up he's going to be ravenous.

We went to Body Worlds last night. It was quite interesting; we went with that couple of friends out for Mexican food and then to see the bodies. Fascinating stuff, but I don't think I'd pay $17 for it again.

Here's a picture for no reason. This is us on the 39th floor of a hotel (visiting my parents... don't worry, it wasn't our room!) overlooking Vancouver. We went on a date to celebrate a year and a half of dating. Congrats to us. Coming up on a year and 8 months soon. Not that I'm counting.

Last day of classes

Thank the Lord for small blessings.
I need a coffee.
I might go with a bunch of friends to Body World today.
I'm going to see all sorts of plasticized bodies.
Maybe it'll creep me out...
...but probably not, 'cause I love stuff like that.
And we're gonna go out for dinner.
But I'm feeling like I need to not spend any money.
And Body World costs $17 ... that's a lot of smackaroos.
That I could be spending on dinner.
So somehow I want to not go out for dinner.
But these friends seem like they want to do something with us.
And dinner is usually part of our evenings together.
Which is totally cool, and they're cool.
I just feel like my funds are running low, with Christmas approaching.
I've been working on organic chemistry today.
I came to one class - a tutorial - at 9 am.
It was only an hour.
Then I went and bought R some bread to bring to his place for lunch.
But I came to the computer lab until he is done class.
And worked on Organic Chemistry that Sucks More Than Anything.
And it's an hour after his class was supposed to end and he hasn't called me yet.
Which sucks more today cuz we had a great time last night (sarcasm).
We went to the Christmas banquet.
And had a nice fight after.
Or more like an emotional breakdown on my part,
Where he is not quite sure how to react.
And I end up getting mad at the way he does or doesn't react.
Or something like that.
Generally me getting upset over many things, justified and not justified.
The banquet was fun; food was good.
But it also cost money.
Hence me not wanting to go out for dinner again.
Also, I was planning on paying for dinner next time his parents took us to White Spot.
They take us there all the time
and make cracks about us not paying
and it's finally gotten to me.
I determined last time that the next time we went,
as long as it was just the immediate family,
I was going to sneak the bill and Rich and I would split it after.
Rich agreed very reluctantly, but I'll pay for it if he won't.
I know once won't mean much to them,
and they don't actually care - it's their choice to take us out all the time,
But I feel bad.
I eat their food all the time.
And yes, I'm a starving student,
which is their rationale,
but they really take us out a lot.

They're planning to come visit us Sunday and take us out,
which adds to my monetary stress of today.
I need some groceries too,
But I think I'll just stay at home tomorrow and eat like, packaged soups
or Kraft Dinner
all the packaged food I have stocked up for emergencies but don't actually ever eat.

So I'm going to keep writing until he calls, because I am tired of chemistry.
And I'd rather do it later.
But be warned,
because I can type quickly
And I have many thoughts.
So unless he calls soon
there will be a large large number of words in the post.
Oh yeah, I left my camera on a bus.
It's lost forever; someone lifted it I'm sure.

It was sucky, because I was carrying too many things;
I was bringing R's laundry (freshly cleaned and folded c/o Tricia Enterprises) in a duffel bag
Back to school for him.
And my backpack.
And I had my camera in my backpack because I had been stuck without it for the whole snowstorm.
But I went a different direction on my street than usual,
and a row of beautiful trees were all broken to pieces
massive branches strewn all over the road,
covered in snow.
The trees looked naked enough without their leaves,
but now nearly every limb ends in a jagged light streak of brokenness
Poor trees.
They were my favourite thing about the street, and so beautiful in the summer/fall.
So I took my camera out and took some pictures, which sucked anyway.
And I looped the camera case around my arm instead of putting it back in my bag so that I could walk and take more pictures if necessary.
But I got to the bus stop, which some goof parked his car in front of,
so I ran to the next one so the bus wouldn't have any excuse to pass by me.
Barely got on the bus
and my phone rang.
So I sit down, answer the phone.
Somehow I must have unlooped the camera case from my arm.
Because when I got off to transfer,
I did the unconscious "do I have everything" check
but since I now was carrying a phone in my hand,
I didn't feel like anything was missing (still 3 items).
Funny how my brain works like that.

So I realized as soon as the bus pulled away,
and I called translink. It took forever to get through, but I finally talked to someone.
She said there's no way they can get ahold of the individual bus drivers right then; it was a 1.5 hour wait just to connect to their radios or something.
Because of poor stressed translink's inadequate preparation for a little snow.
But anyway
She said to call lost property.
And I did, and nothing's there.
So the driver took it, or someone else.
What happened to honesty in the world?
Of course it's completely my fault for leaving it on there,
but what happened to people returning things? I mean, they don't want my pictures of trees, and from Halloween. I want those pictures.

So that was lame and embarrassing and it's pretty much gone forever.
Gives me an excuse to buy a new one,
but again with my lack of monetary options.
And it's Christmas soon, and I wanted pictures from Christmas.
*sigh*.
So he hasn't called me yet. I think he got lost.
Actually, I think his phone is off (because I just got the answering machine).
He is very good at leaving his phone off at the right times.
And... last night I was debating coming to school at all.
So maybe he thinks I didn't... even though I concluded that I would.

That's enough moaning about nothing.
I think it's time I find something constructive to do.
Or to drink.
Like a coffee.

I'm going to try and get home today

Do you ever have one of those moments when you almost forget where you are? You see something or someone that reminds you of a different time and place, and you have to give your head a shake to come to grips with what's around you. I passed by a stand of trees today on campus that were not particularly eye-catching. There are many pretty trees here, and the snow is garnishing everything frostily. It adds a nice spice to the uncommon wintry scene. But these trees I passed were tall cedars, and they were clustered close together with the snow in drifts between them. The way they were close, and the way their branches were loaded and white, brought back a massively vivid picture of northern BC, where I was born. I don't have many memories from my small hometown, but today I saw a piece of that town on my campus. It was as if I turned a corner and stepped into an entirely different time. Everything was white and still and silent. Until I blinked.

Things are pretty icy, and I have my core group tonight (Bible study). I have to go because we're doing a secret Santa exchange, but I want to get home tonight - been stuck on campus for too long without my camera. So it looks like I'll be braving the icy bus routes later, in the dark. I would have wanted to go earlier, but c'est la vie. I guess if things are too bad or snowy I can stay another night. School's wrapping up slowly but surely. I can't wait to be done.

When I have my camera, look out! Pictures will be posted. There are so many beautiful streets and trees - Langley gets like this sometimes, but never Vancouver. It's been a good ten years since I remember more than an inch or two.

SNOW DAY!!

I haven't had a snow day I've remembered in forever. I love that the lower mainland gets immobilized by a hint of snow. Well, it wasn't a hint everywhere... but Vancouver wasn't hit too hard. Most schools were open - the only reason we closed was because we had a power outage. I came to campus Sunday night, figuring that if things did keep getting worse, I'd rather get snowed in on campus than at my place. Buses are ridiculous; most routes are closed since parts of the main roads have been closed. There is one point that buses will venture to campus, and that is at the northern gates, a very very very long walk from anywhere. Also the opposite side of campus from my house.

So I'm stuck here; we had an in day. There were many people playing trivial pursuit, as their papers were all on computers and, being electricity-dependent students, there weren't many of us that had any work we COULD do. I did, so I worked a bit on O-chem. It was a little cold, but we had blankets and the power came on around 3 in the afternoon. Then we had coffee and enjoyed our day off.

I only missed one class, but there was a quiz. So ... I would much rather miss a day like tomorrow, when I have almost all of my classes. My only chance is if somehow the snow melts a bit, and then freezes with the forecasted temperatures. It's supposed to be very cold, so as much as I want to wish everyone in the lower mainland safety, I hope that the entire translink system is shut down. That is the only way my stingy school will cancel classes, unless we lose power again. Of course, it's probably bad to want to miss my classes tomorrow... we only have a week left and they're not easy. But I can't help it. It's Christmas time, and I want to enjoy some snow and relax with a holiday smile. Forget school. It's all about the love.

The view from our friend's building on the 15th floor of the tower.

I'm running out of coffee beans

So I was totally gonna cheat, honestly... I was going to write like three posts and date and time them as to when I originally wanted to write about them. But I can't do it; and by now those events have passed so much that I probably only have a sentence each about everything.

I got poisoned by the water last week. I woke up Thursday morning after a crappy, stomachache-y night, and I puked up anything I might have eaten (I had drunk/drank/drinked much water to try and calm my unsettled stomach, figuring that water was one thing my body couldn't rebel against). I still had to get to my 8 am class to hand in an assignment, but then I went home and slept all day. And then I woke up and heard about the warning. R had told me, as any good caretaker or mother would say, "Drink lots of water/fluids, and sleep." So he found out about this water warning and panicked, figuring he had helped me to poison myself even further. But really I didnt even listen to that part of his advice; I just slept. It was a nice sleep, but not a lot of homework got done that day.

Then the next night, I went out with the girls from my CORE and watched PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!! Yaaah the old version with the wonderful Colin Firth. Unfortunately, it was 5 hours, a fact that I had forgotten. Me in my weakened no-solid-food-yet state, had trouble stayin awake. But I managed because of the amazing Austen plot and the Firth face.

This week there's a Christmas banquet that R has graciously agreed to attend with me; even though it is semi-formal. Yesss!! A reason to wear a dress and finally look girly for once, in between the sweat pants and the no makeup ever and the glasses every day. I'm proud of him for going to hang out with a bunch of girls he doesn't know. He always surprises me, pleasantly, cuz I asked with no hope whatsoever. I tend to underestimate his desire to be with me, which is AWESOME. I have the best boyfriend ever. Things are looking up very much.

And! Probably the best part of my week... yesterday a friend took me to a specialty bra store in Van that has real sizes of bras for real people. I have this problem, that I need a decent-sized cup but they don't supply it very often in a band size small enough for me... a 32, to be exact. And I went to a place to get fitted, and I got fitted well - with a $115 item. I can't spend that on a bra that I wear under my shirt, even if my shirts look better because of it.
So my friend with the same issue found this place where they're nice and cheaper, but still quality. And now I have an amazing proper fit - you have no idea. No times during the day where I have to pull anything up or push anything back in, and it just holds me up nicer, even making them look smaller and making me look thinner and my back doesn't hurt so bad and I even found out that in the summer they carry swimsuits and then maybe I can get a halter top that won't kill my neck or even just something that I can wear half-modestly that actually looks not like a granny bathing suit and I love run-on sentences and I'm sorry for the very personal nature of this paragraph but you have NO IDEA how much happier I am! Unless of course you have the same problem, in which case I would recommend this store - couldn't find it on the net, so you won't have any luck either unless you have a lot more googling skill than I do. It's called Change, and it is a tiny place on W Broadway at Macdonald, and it's the only place I've found that has many styles that pair E or F cups with band sizes smaller than 38 or 40 inches. I'm not huge around; my ribcage is actually small. Which encourages me, in the middle of winter when all I've been doing is eating. I feel much more confident. And more pain-free and less like I'm gonna get caught in the act of pulling up my bra in a very unladylike way.

And now I have something proper to wear under the dress for the banquet. Yessss.

Gotta run; I'm at home after my dad's jazz band played a coffeeshop concert for their cd release party tonight. Now my sister and her friend have arrived and I want to see her and chat. So later.

**Added later: At least because of my sickness I got out of my regular coffee-every-morning rut. And now I don't get headaches later in the day if I haven't had a coffee in the morning. So I'm going to try and keep the morning coffees down... only for treats. Especially because they prolly make me fatter. This will also be good because I'm runnin out of the beans I won. And I'm too cheap to buy good ones like the ones I'm used to now**

Date at Dennys

So things are picking up. In that one particular area anyway... amazing how that improves my attitude in regards to grades and such as well. We went to Denny's tonight, after deciding no more fighting... and he was being really sweet and trying to join me in things I like and not only what he likes. So I'll take it while I can, and my resentment is ebbing away.

Had a speaker at church today say something interesting. He was quoting a famous musician, that said, "If I don't practice for one day... I know it. If I don't practice for three days... my critics know it. If I don't practice for a week... everybody knows it!" The pastor related this to our walk with Christ. I'm sure others can tell when we don't take a day, or three, or seven, to sit at His feet and rest a bit. Guilty as charged.

Got a full day tomorrow. I hate group projects, and I dislike organic chemistry... and unfortunately those are both very involved in my day tomorrow. But I will take it with steel in my backbone.

Thanks for the prayers! So surprising to have not spammers in the comments. Some funny pictures I found today:

Still Fighting

Apparently things didn't get fixed up like I thought they were getting. I'm not quite sure how it always manages to be my fault. Life sucks.

Tired and Discouraged

(To a friend in an e-mail):

Interesting development, lately - E got back from her 9 months away, I don't know if you remember. Came back in like August. But September sometime she sent me an e-mail saying she was sorry for everything and she missed my friendship, and would I forgive her for ditching us like that. I haven't seen her any more than usual, but it's been kinda weird cuz she's very purposefully friendly and initiating conversation and contact and stuff.

I still don't get to see hardly any of you from "the hometown" ever, except J cuz he comes to school here, but it's sure nice to know that I was missed. It's kinda hard for me, because I felt so like, betrayed last time, like worthless cuz she could so easily dump our friendship. But I figure I've done dumb things so of course I can forgive her, it just may take a little bit of time to completely open up. Haha, that sounds so sappy, but you know, "once wounded" it's not as easy. Again with the sounding retarded, but you know what I mean.

I'd love to have a bake-off; yes when we have time. Everything extra seems kinda impossible right now, eh? When I'm back in town, even would be best, but that's tough cuz my last exam's on the 19th and right around Christmas things get SO BUSY, for everyone.

How are your weekends doing? I may be coming back saturday afternoon; maybe we could hook up at night? Sunday is a birthday party for R's grandpa that I'm prolly going to. and then I'm back home for schoolwork.

Man, I'm SO DISCOURAGED about school; my grades are SUCKING. My tough chem course? I thought I failed the midterm, but I didn't... 55%, baby. And the craziest thing is, I was SO HAPPY with 55%. [My buddy from high school] got 38%... and he's a smart cookie. But we knew we weren't prepared, and I had an extra half-day to study that he didn't. And only one other course (Bio, thank goodness) is on track for an A, the others are barely B's. Which are not bad, but they're BARELY B's... and one is sociology, which is supposed to be EASY!! I guess I'm just not an arts student. so out of 5 courses, one is barely passing and 3 are not where I feel like they should be, in terms of how easy it feels... It sucks cuz all my good grades were in my first 2 years, and I counted on those keeping up my GPA once the courses got harder. But now I don't have that buffer region, so all my grades here are going to come from my hard courses.
Eek.

R and I had a big massive fight last weekend; just like a big buildup. Kinda the thing where we're both building up resentment about things and then it explodes? I've always tried to not build things up silently, because I feel so sorry for guys when their girlfriend is suddenly mad and they have no idea why. So I've always tried to make sure R knows what I think/feel about things... but then I get into this nagging habit that I kinda notice, but it feels justified cuz he's not living up to my expectations. Which happens, because he's busy and tired as well. And the more I nag, the more he resents that and gets less motivated to fix anything. So I realize I'm nagging, and I stop, but then I let everything build up and get really upset one day, and then he gets upset, and it's just a big mess. It's hard when you're both stressed, to keep finding the fun in each other and the quality core of what you have. I think we're getting better and better at not demanding too much of the other person; I always want him to take me on dates but I'm realizing that he likes it if I take HIM on dates too. Or I have to realize that sometimes dates will be few and far between... which kinda sucks. As a girl, we all want to be taken out in public - like to show that he WANTS to take us out in public, right? But he's more of a quieter guy - if he has been out with friends already a lot in the week, he wants to just sit at home with me. But I want to go out, because to me it doesn't feel draining to go out when it's just us.

Anyway, since you really wanted to hear about all that...

Love you dear, keep in touch. Let me know about how your weekends are playing out lately. Also, any idea what I can write about for a pretty informal sociology paper? I'm supposed to take a situation in my life and analyze it, in terms of roles and identities and typification and ALL those fun concepts. I get a mental block as soon as I know I'm supposed to pick one... any little normal one will work fine but now I can't think of any.

Illegal entry

I'm in R's wood building, in the computer lab. I'm totally not allowed to be in here, because I am NOT a wood products processing student. But that is a-ok.

I sat at home almost all day today. It was wonderful. My sleep-in morning of the week.

EXCEPT for the 8 am wrong number phone call. I HATE everybody that phones me looking for "Ayla." It's a new phone, for crying out loud! I was so polite at first but now I just hang up. I even get messages for her... I mean hello, my answering machine message says my name in it. It may sound like many things, but it does not sound like Ayla. I am not Ayla.

*sigh*. Takes up my minutes, which are better spent elsewhere.

Wrote an online quiz, and it crashed, and my benevolent instructor allowed me to write another one. So I had to come to campus. Hence the illegal computer lab.

I have nothing really of interest to write about. I went trick-or-eating last night, and I dressed up as a lumberjack. I had a beard. It was pretty sweet, and apparently convincing. I wore work boots that were 7 sizes too big for me, which was also fun. I love clomping around in big shoes; it's an excuse to make noise and have people laugh at you. Excellent.

Good luck to the NaBloPoMo'ers out there. Nov. 1... only 29 days left to go.

Too late to do homework

Hey so since I have so much spare time. I want to get this up and running. Just 10 minutes every day, I tell myself.

And honestly, I feel so busy, but I do have a decent amount of time. My class schedule seems so slack... but then I go around getting GREAT marks in organic chemistry (sarcasm! I barely passed the midterm, but then over 300 people failed, so it's saying something). And I see all of these things coming up next week... like a paper for bio, and some chem homework due, and a linguistics assignment... but right now it's too early to go to sleep but too late to start something new. Once you finish one thing, it's so much work to get the next one out.

So I finally enabled the title function on this blogger thing, so I can have titles. And I changed the layout (probably temporarily, again) just so that I can see across a decent breadth of the page. Let's throw in a recent picture, for everyone's interest. Let's see...

My sister came to visit this weekend (finally)! I've been hoping to get her up to visit sometime, but now that she has a job it's been harder. Plus, I go to my hometown pretty much every weekend. So we had a great time - watched a movie, tickle-fought all night, went shopping the next day... no homework.

And we visited R at school, and went to ... dun dun dun... the infamous Wreck Beach. R went first to make sure there wasn't anyone out there that could blind us... but it was a windy day so we were alone. The view was beautiful. We saw a bunch of seals. I took lots of pictures, randomly; R has no idea this was taken of him. It's a really nice beach. No fair the nudists get it.

So I'm kinda tired... but not tired enough to sleep. Tomorrow is a long day, and I'm going trick-or-eating at night. That's where we accept canned foods for charity, instead of candy.It's Halloween, but I really don't care. Lots of crazy people dress up on Granville; it's totally fun to see. R and I went out with his roommate Saturday night, and I felt out of place without a costume. So last-minute thinking (not my own thoughts) produced the idea of the lumberjack. Thanks to R, and his boots, gloves, lumberjack coat, and hard hat, it could go off pretty well. And I'll be super warm.

I'm going to make a between-classes trip to a dollar store and a secondhand store, to look for suspenders and/or a plastic wood-cutting device. Just so I don't have to keep telling people what I am.

R is going to the Canucks game. We are also hopefully going on a date this Friday, if all goes well. That's worth putting on the calendar.

Peace

All settled in

So it gets to be R's birthday (boy look at that good-lookin 20-year-old on the right there, eh? Barely in the picture). This is his party, his roommates and a couple old friends from high school. They made 2 massive pots of kraft dinner (what a surprise) and drank some beer. All in all a good birthday party.

In keeping with the theme, I somehow managed to add to the beer-ness of the night in my desire to get R a cake. I bused out to kits, arrived at Diary Queen hoping to be able to bring the cake back without it melting (and hoping it'd be a reasonable price). What did I find?? First one I looked at, I knew it was for Rich. When I was buying it, the guy asked me if I wanted stuff written on it! For free!! What service.

Hence:

It was a hit. Ice cream cake can never go wrong.

So we've been settling into life out here pretty well. It's been busy at points, in the middle of midterms right now. Due to my class choice (or lack thereof), I'm taking a first-year course online. This leaves me with Wednesday entirely free of classes, and Mondays and Fridays I'm only in class for an hour. Tuesdays and thursdays are pretty intense, but I'm not feeling overwhelmed at all because of these free days. Wednesday, of course, is "homework day," which means I clean my house and procrastinate and write and read blogs. And listen to music, and study off and on. I have cable now, too, so tv is tempting. Rich has a much busier class schedule, due to his labs etc., but since he spends so much less time outside of class doing his work, we've been seeing each other decently enough.

I really haven't buckled down yet... had a midterm but I think it went well, so I have false confidence. All except for organic chemistry, where I have such a knot of dread in my stomach that I can't even study. 2 midterms next week. Been going home pretty much every weekend for something or other, church or birthdays or thanksgiving.

Food was good! Pumpkin pie is awesome.

My house is so comfy; I love having my own space. My bathroom is awesome because it's my own. Unfortunately (and unexpectedly) it is pink-themed! Never thought it would come to this.

I suck at blogging. Anyway, these are some bathroom pictures. The sunlight is SO nice today. We have had the most wonderful weather; have only had to walk in the rain once since I've moved out here. It's getting chilly, but the streets are beautiful. First started my walks to the bus at 7 a.m. saying, "Wow, what a beautiful sunrise!" And now I say, "Wow, that's a nice full moon." Always surprises me, every year, how quickly it begins to darken.

Went tanning today, so I'm not so worried about the lack of endorphins. Vitamin D all the way! I got a coupon, so I figured it'd be free... but given that our society never gives anything for free, I had to pay for eyewear and also for lotion because apparently mine was inappropriate, as it would clog up the acrylic material of the tanning beds?? Does that sound like a hoax? So I ignored the "cheap" $44.50 bottle, and got a sampler one that should last me for as long as my free tans last. It was sure nice to sleep in today and then just take a bus ride in the sun.

My house, and some of the wonderful sunlight I see on my way to or from the bus stop (when it's not dark).

I'm gonna write more later, just randomly. This is a good way to procrastinate. I should get back to the studying, seeing as this is my only chance for a while.

Tomorrow is classes all day, then an info session about Biology co-op. Friday I'm taking R out (after my class) as a remnant of his birthday, but ALSO to celebrate our 1.5 years of dating. A year and a half, already! We're going to head to Capilano Suspension Bridge, and the treetop adventure. To do that, we have to take the seabus - a new and wonderful experience for R, which is why I chose it, of course. Then home Friday night to practice and do worship Sunday, then back up to study for Tuesday's 2 midterms.

The worst part (and the best) is that I'm reading an AWESOME book - Mansfield Park, by Jane Austen. I love classic novels, I just wish I'd started it after midterms.

Peace out

Another book... and excitement about leaving.

Just finished The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz, by Mordecai Richler. I've heard of the author, and he was regaled on the back of the cover as a comedy writer, but the story was sad. One of those ones where the main character doesn't realize how he's been driven by ambition and twisted his life to disclude what's important. Always makes me look at my own life and double-check. I don't feel like I'm living with as much joy and excitement as I could be, and am always always open to more peace.

Speaking of excitement!! I'm getting excited about school!! All my classes are set this semester except for one now (the main one I need... but I simply must get in so I won't worry about it). I'm gonna be living on my own. I'll miss Karissa, and I'm sure I'll probably miss my whole house - but honestly, I don't really eat at home much at all anymore. That would be the main thing I'd miss, and it's non-consequential if the last year has been any indication. Lol, how awful! Mainly missing food. Just kidding. But seriously.

I'm going to be so near Rich, too. Yaaaaaay. I would have died if he had gone without me all the way to Vancouver!! Even this week and next he has no vehicle (not re-insuring) and I'm the one driving. I'd be hooped if I was here and had to drive to see him in Vancouver.

Book review

Continuing on the sad kick, I just finished Requiem for a Dream, by Hubert Selby Jr. It was a very good book; one of those ones that is well-written but kind of artsy in a unique way. In this case, all the dialogue was written in a continuous stream, with only the characters' verbal inflections to identify the speaker. It was really weird.

I had heard the movie was good, so I figured the book must be better... and I'm sure it was. But now I don't need/want to see the movie. Addiction is a powerful enemy, and the author skillfully pulled together several elements to show that substance abuse is not the only kind of addiction. Obviously we all know that already, but it's neat to read. Sad story though.

Moving out! Big changes.

So it's settled. I'm moving to the big city and going to school on a massive campus that's basically a city of its own. I'm living with two boys I don't know and I have no car - only public transport. My classes aren't settled and I'm apprehensive about being all by myself without any method of emergency transport, but at the same time...
... boy I can't WAIT to leave home!

It's going to be an adventure for sure. Time to try something new. As much as school is a lot of work... it will be completely different. SO much space. Wow I love space.

And I was asked to co-lead a worship team at R's church. I think I'm going to do it even though I'm basically out of town all the time. It'll be, like, every 3rd week... gotta pray about it a bunch though.

Got word yesterday that our band's days are over. Being as we haven't played in forever it's not really a shock... it's sad, though. Or at least, to know that there won't EVER be a Tuesday Evening again, exactly. Maybe we'll play for something, but it won't ever be understood that we're "a band" again. Maybe it's God's timing; I don't know. People have drifted apart anyway. Kinda feels like we got defeated, though.

Honestly... work is boring.

I lost my new stapler. It was really disappointing, and completely my own fault. I had to file some papers by my supervisor's desk, and since he never has a stapler around, I brought my own to staple the papers over there. Unfortunately I forgot it there. A couple of hours later I returned to get it, and it had migrated to the inner parts of his desk. His old stapler, now rejected, sat at the edge of the desk. He knew mine was better, and he took it.

So my new one is not bad - definitely in working order, not like the first one I had. But still ... I miss the smoothness of my amazing stapler. I will always remember it. I should've taken a picture so I could make a personal memorial.

In other news, I went to that ladies night at R's church. Lots of ladies I don't really know (or actually know at all), but two did show up that I had known pretty well at my previous church. I had played on a worship team with one of the ladies over the years, and lo and behold! she was on the team for Sunday (yesterday). On my current kick of looking for ways to get involved, I jumped right in and played with them for the morning services.

And it was so good. I missed doing that so much - it's such a way for me to connect with God, even, and I hope and pray that I can help at all to draw the congregation into his presence, because it's AMAZING. If anyone feels half of what I feel when I'm up there worshipping, then God uses us. I have personally discovered that God doesn't necessarily ensure that we FEEL his presence all the time... that we have to just remember that he's nearby and sometimes he give us a dry phase... but BOY is it a relief when he pours it over you after one of those dry spells. Really makes me appreciate what I have in my saviour. That's probably why he does it, too - if I start taking him for granted he reminds me why I can't possibly continue that way.

Played with another lady who's a wonderful musician. She has been on some of Brian Doerkson's recordings, and I had heard of her before I found out she went to the same church as I did. At the end of the 2nd service the church was doing a "house of prayer" experiment, playing some worship songs and allowing people to remain in silent prayer. The other lady went to the keyboard spontaneously, and I was playing the grand (an amazing piano - gosh I want a grand at home!). We got carried away, way beyond any music in front of us. We just transitioned between old songs for a long time; she would think of one, and then I would - all the while just playing. We have similar playing styles. Man, I love God's presence.

So, that was a good experience. I met the interim pastor now, and I'm sure I'll meet more people as a result, even though the church was empty this week. The youth were all away at Creation (lucky sister I have!). Probably doing it again Aug. 27.

R's family wasn't there, because they had a baseball tournament. Sweetie pie R missed one of the games and came to see me :D We went after church to the last game and his team one first in the entire tournament. Probably because his whole family was playing, of course... Could've been just as well that his family wasn't there, though. All I hear from them about the musicians is criticism and making fun... not his mom so much, but the rest of them. R too, though he'd never do that about me.

His grandparents were there, though - and they came to the 2nd service - the "young" service. Wonder if I was a little too liberal for their taste. Ahh well, that's not what it's about, right?

Still hating UBC for the hassles I'm going through. Job's going well, the food I had for lunch today was so good. Mom made a stew yesterday in the crock pot. Thank goodness for the occasional home-cooked meal!

Also went to a wedding shower for a friend of mine (2 weeks away!). It was a lingerie shower... very risque. Very fun, too. Those are some good girls.

Gotta get off my lunch. I can't wait to go to sleep tonight. It was a long weekend - worship practice saturday morning for 3 hours, wedding shower, then R's grandma's birthday get-together. Many relatives, very fun and relaxing. Sunday was up early for church, then baseball, then we lay around R's house with the fam.

God stuff is on the up-side.

Lonely at church

Honestly... it's really hard to not belong to a church. Seeing as I was at my last one for 12 years, it's understandable that it'd be difficult to move away from that. I didn't realize how much of my identity and security came from being involved in that type of community. I guess the new situation can show me both the importance of the community dependence, and yet the weakness of not being strong enough without it.

I've been going to R's church - his family is there, and he likes it. The people that I've talked to all seem nice. But it's really clique-y. I have to forcefully introduce myself to nearly everybody, and when R does powerpoint, I sit by myself. It's so lonely to sit by yourself at church. And I can't believe it's been continuing this way for so long with no improvement. Though it's what I'd expect. I haven't really decided if I want to make it my church home, so I haven't thrown myself in whole-heartedly. I feel like I shouldn't commit myself and get involved until I know I'm committed to the church itself.

But i think I'm going to jump in. So far it is looking as though that's where I'm gonna be; R would go look with me if I wanted him to - to find a place for both of us - but I haven't even really enjoyed anywhere else I went. So maybe if I stick it out and DO get involved, I'll get to know the people better and the church as a whole will start feeling more like home. I already know the people are super nice, I just have to tap into that.

We'll see.

Thief

I have a confession to make. This week, I became the dreaded person at the office... the stapler-stealer.

Now let me explain. I have my own stapler to begin with, as does everyone else in the office at their individual desks. However, my stapler was "the crappy one." You know the type.

There is one communal stapler by the fax machine, that works amazingly well. Smooth, consistent stapling - gliding downward with a satisfying 'pop' instead of 'clank.' So... last week... I made the switch.

I didn't think anybody really noticed; if they did, they didn't mention it or come find it on my desk. It's now been 5 work days. I justify the action by remembering that everyone has a stapler already. If they REALLY want, they can take papers to their desk and staple. Not fair if they all get nice ones and I don't. But "the crappy one" will suffice for the few times it is used communally.

There was a slight scare from two days ago when the communal stapler disappeared for a day... I worried that mine would be repossessed. But I am still safe. The stapler reappeared. My new nice one, by the way, is a "rapid" stapler.

Everyone told me, before I started the job, to hide my stapler and protect it from the stapler-stealers of the office. I feel like I'm breaking every societal rule I ever learned - going against my upbringing. But the payoff is wonderful. Looks like everyone else I work with will have to watch out.

Honestly

I'll say it up front - my reason for a blog is so that I can post comments on others' blogs. See, I too have a secret. Thanks to J's wonderful blog, I now have regular pages that I like to read up on. It passes the break time at work, that's for sure. Several times I've wanted to comment to her or her hubby about somethin-or-other but they want me to be not anonymous. So here I am. Not anonymous.

I did have another blog once. Unfortunately, I followed rule #11 much too well, and as a result was forced to also follow #5, giving me no way to post comments.

And, conveniently, this week happened to have time to set one up. With the man workin nights this week I have a lot more time on my hands. I know it'll disappear in a heartbeat, but right now I have a whole 4 days stretching ahead of me with only a couple of things scheduled after work. R worked his first night shift last night; poor guy drove us all home from the Pearl Jam concert Saturday night at the Gorge (Amazing concert!), and we got home at 4:30. The reason we had to drive all the way in the one night was that he had to be at his church to do powerpoint... at 8 am. And then work Sunday night. That kinda sucked, he wasn't looking forward to it.

But, true to form - just as I expected, I might add - he had a great rockin' time with the city workers. They went to the beach, and painted 64th Ave. In such a good mood that he called me this mornin as I woke up and asked me if I wanted to meet him for coffee before work :D Aww, what a sweetie... it's nice to have someone like to be with me as much as I like being with him. So much so that a whole night is VERY VERY long to be apart.

The concert was awesome... though they recorded the daytime temperature in the Gorge at 116 degrees. R and I being geeks that we are, calculated on the phone that it was FORTY-SEVEN degrees celsius. That's why it was so hot. I nearly died. Getting out of the car immobilized me, literally.

So there it is, folks. Don't bother to link to me; I'm sure I won't be keeping it updated at all. Maybe occasionally. At this point my poor home computer doesn't want to be turned on in the daytime (due to the afore-mentioned heat wave). It makes this massive hum that rises in pitch until I'm so scared it'll explode that I turn it off. I usually have about enough time to check one e-mail address... and then I don't turn it on until later at night. Work, however, is very well air-conditioned . . . :D